I would like to make it clear that there were quite a few really fine submissions, and our relatively small tally of winners is a poor representation of the total balance of them. (Which is not to say, mind you, that all of them were great. Frankly, most of them really sucked, but that doesn't mean that there weren't plenty of great pieces.)
One final note: The idea of a "poetry contest" is fairly basic on the surface, but in judging this one, we were left with an important detail unresolved: What is the actual criteria for the "best poem"? The truth is that there were any number of things we could have based our decisions on, from length to vim to imaginativeness.
At the end of the day, because the purpose here was a "tribute to Bungie," our winners were the entries that exhibited the most spirited, gung ho, carefree exuberance -- those that were literally the most enthusiastic, like a loyal sports fan cheering from the stands. Focused fanboism, as it were.
And so, without further ado...
First Prize: Halo 2 Hurray!!!!, by DarkTyrant
This epic tale of a Zanzibar game is told in rhyming, unmetered couplets. It's no Beowulf, but it does a pretty good job of capturing the mood of a swell Halo 2 match on Xbox Live -- at its best, of course, which is more or less the point. Most importantly, it showcases what really makes Halo and Bungie shine, letting the evidence speak for itself rather than trying to convince you. Also, anyone who uses that many exclamation marks in the title must know something we don't. It was enough for us to award it first place -- have a look.
There are many battles around the world afar
But this particular one takes place on Zanzibar
This strange land was divided anew
Two rivaling clans, the Red and the Blue
No one knows why they fight
Whether its hate, greed, or spite
The Red was composed of the perfect human
The cybernetic warrior known as a Spartan
And the Blue, Pride of the alien fleets
These powerful foes were called Elites
The teams were an even 4 on 4
Unlike most battles which were much more
The Red were at a great advantage
With superior defense that the Blue could not manage
Three of the warriors engaged in a brawl
In which a single grenade destroyed them all
One lonely sniper hid in his spot
Counting as he fired every shot
"One shot, two shots, another one's dead"
Till he was counter sniped, took one shot to the head
With two Blues left and a single Red
It seemed likely that the red would be dead
But he hid above in a dark cave
Awaiting his imminent grave
With his rocket launcher he aligned his sight
The two Blues ran from his right
He pulled the trigger and the rocket soared
A warthog exploded with two blues aboard
As the smoke began to clear he stared with a chill
Then an anonymous voice boomed "DOUBLE KILL!"
And so this is where the battle ends
But both teams were chatting as if they were friends
"Where were you hiding" asked the Blue
"We had no idea where to find you"
The Red replied "I was behind some rocks"
With that he reached down and turned off the Xbox
What a Glorious and epic game of Halo 2
O hey Bungie, I forgot to say I love you
Oh, the name of this tale I forgot to say
I entitled it Halo 2...Hurray!
DarkTyrant, that lucky shmuck, will receive his due penance as soon as we can contact him through the information he provided in his tJY account.
Second Prize: English Sonnet for Bungie, by Murph MacManus
A succinct salute to the keyboard soldiers behind the curtain, Murph's work has the distinction of actually being composed in a recognizable poetic format, the sonnet. (The emphasis is a little sketchy, but hell, this ain't Ploughshares.) It's a good piece with a clear message, a strong backbone, and a hint of oak that reminded us of a Zinfandel.
As we raise our fists, we pledge to thee,
while this column numbered seven holds strong.
We dedicated fans are plain to see
when we wait in lines that are hours long.
Limits in gaming, just trivial things,
when your team from Redmond is at the wheel.
From mythical creatures to ancient rings,
you forge epic sagas and make them real.
We console-soldiers wage virtual war,
because you toil many days and nights.
You sweat, ache, and cry, we just ask for more,
and every single time you do it right.
So until we're all gone like dust to dust,
hear this battle cry, "IN BUNGIE WE TRUST!".
We'll be contacting Murph to facilitate the tithing of his blood money.
Third Prize: Wonderful Bungie, by Raven3509
Raven weighs in with a straightforward tribute of a basic rhyme and meter, full of teary references and nods to those long, sleepless nights of Halo action. Heartfelt and (at least convincingly) sincere, it fit the bill for our Bungie noses. See what you think.
Thank you so much Bungie
for all the sleepless nights
for the seven million warthog jumps
and twice the dorm-room fights
For double-barreled rocket launchers
and kick ass plasma swords
and for camoflauged elites that say
WORT WORT WORT!
We wrote you this poem
because Halo just rocks
and its every reason
that you should own an XBOX
Thank you for the Fall of reach
and for First strike too
from all the Halo-babies
and the reds and the blues
We give you our thanks
and we wont let you say no
because you showed us the light
and its a ring called Halo
For the Pillar of Autumn
and wee guilty spark
we'd all like to thank you
from our spartan lovin' hearts
So thanks goes to Marty
to Jones and McKaige
and all the Bungie staff
for making such a great game
You're doing great Bungie
and we love you the same
but why am I writing
when I could be playing your game?
Raven3509, keep your eyes open for a missive from us in the next few days. We'll transfer the numbered account to your name once the diamonds are secure.
Honorable Mentions
That's that for the prizes, but we've also got a few entries that we felt needed recognition for reasons beyond the established criteria and beyond the handful of "official" prizes we could award.
Jillybean gave us Ode Tae Bungie, which would have won an easy first if the standard was sheer gall -- taking a page from ye olde dayes of Scottish barding, Jillyburns offered one of the poetically most polished entries, as well as just plain winning points for having the chutzpah to submit a poem that most of the judges couldn't understand. Give that woman a cookie.
Cowrin'!
Like a swaddlin bairn
Ah, ma mammy'd dae her nut
If she saw me like this
That's naw ma braw lass,
She'd say
And skelp me roon' the heid.
Ah'd deserve it tae
Outtae ammo,
For christ's sake,
An auld snipey heid up there
Jes' waitin' for ma surrender
Aye,
A dinnae think so
Onwards! Upwards!
Righ' up and awa'!
Respawn in seven seconds
Aw ma mammy'll dae her nut
Wis ma job tae guard yon flag
Noo she's on her ain
Aye, and thankin' yous Bungie
Tha's another family fallout
Sae whit, ma sister's sportin'
Wan rare shiner
Game stats
She won, ah lost
Family fun,
Frae Bungie
The haiku has a long and well-established tradition within the Bungie community, ever since disturbed and really awful Marathon poems first graced our internetwaves; also a tradition is that the aforementioned haikus tend to suck, but DeusExMathias pitched us the well-titled DeusExMathias' 6 Halo2 Haikus, and honestly impressed us by capturing the basic essence of haiku. If he'd written in Japanese and followed the bleeding rules by only submitting one poem, we'd have been doubly impressed. Sucker. (Kidding.)
1
My Warthog can fly.
The pile of grenades has
Lifted it skyward.
2
Rocket propelled bomb
Locks onto moving target.
Purple blood splatters.
3
Snow falls on Lockout.
Energy Sword eludes me.
Creeps up from behind.
4
Smoke trail from sniper
Leads me to his location.
His spree has ended.
5
The Grunt is mourning.
His Leader has been meleed.
Soon he will join him.
6
Coagulation.
Red rocks. Green grass. Cyan sky.
Bungie perfected.
Finally, Stuntmutt handed us a few really excellent tableaus -- poems more than tributes, but as poems, some of the best we saw. See if you can remember these moments from your own games.
Pinwheel glints of brass,
Curt staccato growl.
Cordite wisps of grey,
Jarring rattle numbs.
Molten silver motes,
Scattered leaden swarm.
Shrill insistent tone,
Last discordant howl.
Pall of tattered shreds,
Rag doll tumbles down.
Crooked broken pose,
Silenced hands uncurl.
Our thanks and earnest appreciation to everyone who took the time to squeeze a few drops of blood into the artistic wringer of public criticism. You're all winners. Some of you are lousy poets, but you're all winners.
For the folks who lucked out, stand by for contact from the Junkyard mothership. Everyone else, thanks from the staff for your time and consideration.
Good gaming.
